Little Miss Muffett

Please accept my most humble obeisances. As explained before, I am simply microbial enzyme in intestinal lining of the worm which is in the stool.

All right. Hare Krishna. Due to Overwhelming Popular Demand, we are herewith presenting new installment of Vaishnava Version of the Nursery Rhyme (see below)

by Yama Niyama Dasa Brahmachari (YNDB), the duly initiated disciple of His Holiness Bhakti Mayapur Mahaprabhu Maha-mantra Maharaja (BMMMMM) of the International Society for Krishna Consciousness (ISKCON).

Got it?

OK, now pay attention:

“Little Miss Muffet . . .”

First thing is, name like “Muffet” does not inspire confidence, since in English “muff it” means to fail miserably. Anyway, brahmachari should not even think about opposite sex, what to speak of make poem. I only mention for instructional purposes.

“Sat on the Tuffet . . .”

“Tuffet” is old-fashioned mleccha way to say “asana.” We do not know whether she was Sitting Properly. Probably not.

“Eating the curds and the whey . . .”

Safe to assume such foodstuff was not offered to Lord Krishna, therefore simply Lumps Of Sin, therefore we know only bad thing is going to happen.

“Along came one Spider and sat down beside her . . .”

Yes, material world means danger at every step.

And because no one did know whether to say “Look out, Mataji!” or, “Look out, Prabhu!”, spider bit her and she died.



My Guru Maharaja, His Holiness Bhakti Mayapur Mahaprabhu Maha-mantra Maharaja, says, “Every man must be trained in the brahmachari life to see all women as mother. Real problem is not whether to say ‘Prabhu’ or ‘Mataji.’ Real problem is there are no actual brahmachari.'”
Your servant, Yama Niyama Dasa Brahmachari

Gay Marriage in ISKCON

Someone once asked me, “Yama Niyama Dasa Brahmachari, is there gay marriage in Krishna consciousness?”

I told him, “Oh, this is very glorious question. Maharaja Pariksit was also eager to hear about this from Sukadeva Goswami. Yes, death may come at any moment, and we are so much inquisitive about gay marriage.

“But anyway, since you are so inquisitive, yes. Krishna consciousness means Krishna is only Purusha—male—and everyone else is prakriti—female—so if you are Krishna conscious, you know that all marriage in this material world is gay marriage.”

And the person appreciated my answer so much, at my next concert he was there with two big signs: “LGBT 4 YNDB” and “YNDB IS OUR MAN.” I don’t know what my Guru Maharaja would say about that.

Simply the Snoopy

All right. Hare Krishna. Now is time of year when, in U.S.A., everyone has Deity in the front yard, so you can see who they are worshiping. And what are they worshiping? The inflatable snowman, the polar bear with Santa hat, and the Tipsy Penguin. Now, what this is having to do with Jesus Christ, I do not know. Maybe there is new scientific evidence that Lord Jesus was actually born in Antarctica. Or, maybe instead of the Christmas, people are celebrating anniversary of Polar Expedition. Maybe next year we will see inflatable Deity of Amundsen and Scott with the sled dog in the front yard, all with the Santa Hat.

Anyway, at one house I saw big Deity of little dog on the motor cycle, the Harley Davidson, wearing Santa hat and waving. This I did not understand at all so I knocked on door.
“Hello. I am Yama Niyama Dasa Brahmachari. What is that Deity in the yard?”

“Oh, that is the Snoopy.”

“What is the Snoopy?”

“Oh, you are not from here? He is cartoon dog. Everyone loves him.”

I said, “I know. Everyone in your country is pure devotee of Dog. But why is dog on motor cycle with Santa hat?”

“Oh, it is Christmastime! Don’t you know anything?”

So then I am racking my brain, trying to remember all the Bible story I know, and I remember Lord Jesus did turn the water into wine, and make the lame man to walk, and the blind man to see, and was bringing the dead man back to life, so I asked this person, “Oh, so there is some pastime of Jesus Christ enabling dog to ride the motorcycle?”
He said, “No. This has nothing to do with Jesus.”

“So why do you have such Deity out in yard during the Christmastime?”

Then he said, “Wherever you are from, why don’t you go back there?” then he closed the door while I was still standing there.

For me, this very much illustrates importance of having some spiritual philosophy. If you have philosophy but no religion, you are simply engaging in mental exercise. And if you have religion but no philosophy, you simply have the Snoopy.

Therefore, everyone should take this Last Chance opportunity to order our very philosophical Vaishnava Christmas CD without delay, as there are very few copies left. You think I am kidding? Vaishnavas do not joke.YNDB_xmas_coverIphotoCrop

New Brahmachari Video Game Review

All right. One fallen householder friend sent this video to me—although I am not on the Facebook, for reasons I have previously explained—thinking I would like it. I do not like it. The devotees have their backs to the Deities, which is very bad, and the “brahmachari” in the video should have immediately left the place upon seeing offenses made to Lord. However, pixelated form of Lord is very nice. I give one “A” for effort but please try again.

Old King Cole

One friend from USA just told me, “Yama Niyama Dasa Brahmachari, because now it is Tax Season in USA, I am remembering very much the Twelfth Canto telling how in the Kali Yuga the citizens will be so much harassed by the taxation they will go live in caves of the mountains.”

This reminded me of another Vaishnava Version of the Nursery Rhyme on which I have been working very hard, day and night, so that you may enjoy:

A Cautionary Tale of Degradation of Varnashrama System

By Yama Niyama Dasa Brahmachari (YNDB), the duly initiated disciple of His Holiness Bhakti Mayapur Mahaprabhu Maha-Mantra Maharaja (BMMMMM), of the International Society for Krishna Consciousness (ISKCON)

“Old King Cole . . .”

First thing is, King cannot be “Old.” King must be first man on the battlefield, and if he is too old, he will simply be first man killed on the battlefield. So-called “King” Cole should have gone to Himalayas before becoming old. Perhaps he did not read Bhagavatam chapter “The Pandavas Retire Timely.” I am sure of it.

Also, name of ksatriya usually indicates his fighting prowess, like Bhisma (“fearsome”), Yudhisthira (“steady in the fight”), Duryodhana (“very fierce in battle”), or Damaghosa (“superior ability to cut down unregulated citizens”). “Cole” simply means, “that which is thrown into the fire.” Not very auspicious.

“Was a merry old soul, and a merry old soul was he . . .”

“Merry” is not good qualification for king. Ksatriya must be grave, not tipsy. Protecting citizen, curbing the rascals—it is serious business. It is not Happy Hour. Anyway, why should Cole be merry at all? He is old, he cannot fight, any rascal can come and kill him very easily, and still he is merry? This means he is living in the Fool’s Paradise.

“He called for his pipe, he called for his bowl . . .”

Now we see actual reason for his merriment. There is no mention of King Cole’s chivalrous fighting activities. No. Simply calling for Pipe and Bowl. We can guess what is in the pipe and bowl. Such rascals as Cole are predicted in Twelfth Canto.

“He called for his Fiddlers three . . .”

In olden days, professional musician would sing about glorious activities of the king. But what is so glorious about activities like smoking, drinking, and enjoying Musical Performance? Nothing, that is what. Such person may be very much qualified to attend the Grateful Dead Concert, but he should not become King under any circumstances.

“And every fine fiddler had a very fine fiddle, and a very fine fiddle had he . . .”

Is he giving in charity to the brahmanas? No. Performing sacrifices to Lord Vishnu? No. State expenditure is going for intoxication and expensive musical instruments for Professional Reciters to chant the non-glories of so-called King who is unable to fight, simply filling his belly and pipe by exploiting the subjects, whom he cannot protect.

“There’s none so rare as can compare with King Cole and his Fiddlers Three . . .”

Yes, and now he is not only “Rare” but also “Extinct,” along with all his hangers-on and sycophants. For such misappropriation of state funds, Fifth Canto says such “kings” are put into Vaitarani River, in the Hell, which is full of the stool, urine, pus, blood, hair, nails, bones, marrow, flesh, and fat. Yes. And ferocious animals eat them there, “Medium Rare.”


PURPORT: One disciple said to Srila Prabhupada, “Srila Prabhupada, you appear to us to be just like a king.” And Srila Prabhupada did say, “I am much more than any king.” Yes. Only Vaishnava is actually merry because he is detached from all such worldly nonsense.

Humpty Dumpty

Why do so many so-called “adults” go to the so-called “adult bookstore?” I will tell you. First of all, such place should actually be called “less-than-animal bookstore,” but it is also proven fact that so many rascal adults start out as rascal children, reading equally useless “children’s book,” instead of the transcendental literature.

What is use of Mother Goose and fairy story like cow jumping over moon? Moon is heavenly planet and not even so-called cosmonaut can go there what to speak of the domestic animal. So many “Nursery Rhyme” are all simply idiotic nonsense polluting impressionable brain of small child with crazy ideas that remain for whole life, so that brain becomes repository of nonsensical ideas like dish running away with the spoon. This is very bad.

So, we have decided to make our own Vaishnava Version of “Nursery Rhyme,” because Krishna consciousness means to be merciful to the Less Intelligent Nondevotee Rascal With The Poor Fund of the Knowledge. It is our latest mission to create revolutionary new literature for the younger generation of Rascal.

And because we are doing this as service to Vaishnava community, we are welcoming your suggestions for future volumes. Here is one small sample, which we hope you will enjoy and also teach to your Little Pure Devotee (if applicable):


A Vedic Version (VV) on the Philosophical significance of the Western So-Called Nursery Rhyme by Yama Niyama Dasa Brahmachari (YNDB), the Duly Initiated Disciple of His Holiness Bhakti Mayapur Mahaprabhu Maha-Mantra Maharaja (BMMMMM)

“Humpty Dumpty . . .”

You know, in Vedic system of name giving, person gets name based on his qualities. Like the Hiranyakashipu; hiranya means the gold, and kashipu means the soft bed, for the sex life. Such materialistic demons are killed by nails of Lord, Who is pulling intestines from abdomen so that blood is flying everywhere. So, with name like Humpty Dumpty, we know right away we are dealing with similar mentality—simply interested in the sex life and passing stool.

” . . . Sat on the wall . . .”

And, why is he sitting on the wall? Wall is not for sitting; that is very bad idea. But this tells us he is very much Marginal Energy of Lord, situated in precarious place, as we will find out.

” . . . Humpty dumpty had one great fall . . .”

Big surprise.

“All the kings horses and all the kings men could not put Humpty Dumpty together again . . .”

Yes. No amount of material administration can give life to the dead body, but such fall could have been avoided by not overindulging in gratification of tongue, belly and genitals. Bottom line purport? Stay brahmachari.

**Important Message from His Grace Yama Niyama Dasa Brahmachari**

OLYMPUS DIGITAL CAMERAHare Krishna. If you are visiting this site, either you are pure devotee, or you are wanting to become one. So my respects are unto your glorious glories.

As I have promised, most notably in my very much hard rocking song entitled, “,” I am writing online blog, talking about how cats will be cats and dogs will be dogs. Yes, only time was separating. Krishna has fulfilled my desires to have my very own Web Site for preaching the Krishna consciousness to the Less Intelligent Nondevotee Rascals With Poor Fund of Knowledge, while at same time wishing to somehow serve all community of Pure Devotees by providing very much Hard Rocking Krishna Conscious music for their listening pleasure, especially as they are traveling at breakneck speed down highways of the world, bringing message of Lord Krishna to the Less Fortunate.

As you may have noticed, if you are anything like Internet Savvy, this Web Site is very much under construction. Hardly any walls or floor is there, simply roof only, and “roof” in this clever analogy is the URL, which you know already is You Are In Maya Dot Com. I have designated like this because it is very healthy reminder that while we are in material atmosphere we are all more or less in the Maya, and we should not be thinking we are well when we are sick, so we should always be taking the medication in form of sixteen attentive rounds (at very least) each day, plus bountiful quantities of Krishna Prasadam (as much as we can digest).

Every Pure Devotee must have this transcendental sound vibration in their collection.

Every Pure Devotee must have this transcendental sound vibration in their collection.

At this point I would heartily suggest that you right now purchase this new CD, which was recorded by your humble servant, “Rocking Very Hard For Krishna.” It contains nineteen (19) Very Hard Rocking tunes, including, but not limited to, Maya,, Cent Percent in Maya, You Are In a Whole Lot of Maya, Karmi Grains, Pure Devotional Service, You Are Going To Die, and many others which are sure to soon become classics of Hard Rocking Krishna Music.

All you need to do is simply order through PayPal and I will send through U.S. mail.